Conversations With Me Father

F: Did you know that watching too much tv smooths out the wrinkles in your brain and turns you into an orange?
M: An orange?
E: Brain wrinkles?
F: An orange!Brain wrinkles! It's true! You know, take out the sound and basically you're sitting there, staring at a box!
M: Yeah, but - an orange? I mean, there's a pretty large genetic discrepancy between people and fruit....
E: Yeah I'm pretty sure that's physically impossible...
M: To begin with, oranges don't have brains.
F: It's true! Did you read the study?
M: Did you?
F: I made up the study. I couldn't read it because it hasn't been published yet.
M: Oh, well, as long as the scientific data is verified and reliable, sure. Oranges. Yeah.
F: Oranges. It's true.

Hell

My current vision of hell involves wandering endlessly between terminals 3 and 8 of JFK, intermittently sprinkled with 5 hour spurts of Russian karaoke. To quote my friend Chanie: This is what an aneurysm sounds like.

Also: I'll be in NY until Sunday. I'm considering moving here. Or maybe Philly. If anyone is around and wants to get in touch, give me a holler! Or, since I won't actually be able to hear that, let me know in the comments.