Tuesday, January 23, 2007

vignettes with Tobie

Me: I think I'm gonna write a novel.
Tobie: Is it gonna be all you?
M: Well...yes.
T: Can't you do something else with it as well? All you gets to be so boring!
M: There'll be other people in it, of course I'm not going to be the only character.
T: Yes but you know; memoirs get so angsty. I like a little fiction in my fiction, you know? Can't you stick a little fiction in there?
M: Ok, I'll put in a dragon.
T: A real one?
M: In the book it'll be real. It can be one of my wacky adventures.
T: No, I mean real fiction, you know, like stuff you don't see every day.
M: You mean like a..like a...
T: Like a fish.
M: Right, like a fish....
T: Well, have you ever seen one?
M: Yes.
T: Miri...you're not helping here...
M: The fish can be the dragon's sidekick.
T: In a jumpsuit?
M: In a jumpsuit.
T: An orange polyester one?
M: An orange polyester one.
T: Jumpsuits are the wave of the future you know.
M: I know, Tobie. I know.

Me: You guys watching the movie tonight?
Chava: No, not in the end.
M: Oh, that's sad.
Tobie: You know what's sad? What's sad is your face!
M: Hey, I don't need your lip! I have my own.
T: Yes but the sad thing about your lip is where you keep it.
M: I keep it on my face.
T: Exactly!
C: Don't you want to know where Tobie keeps her lip?
T: I keep my lip somewhere very safe, thank you.
M: Switzerland?
T: No.
M: A fish?
T: No, not a fish.
M: A squash?
T: No. hey, how do you turn a pumpkin into another vegetable?
(Everyone present rolls their eyes.)
All: How, Tobie, how?
T: You throw it up in the air and it comes down SPLAT!
C: You mean squash?
T: The other answer is that it comes down carrot.
M: Of course it does.
T: It does!
M: I know, Tobie. I know.

Miri: If I had a million dollars
Chava: I'd buy you a green dress
M: But not a real green dress, that's cruel
Tobie: Haven't you always wanted a monkey?
M: Who wouldn't want a monkey?
T: But they're mischeivous and they smell.
M: And they steal spare change for you. Come on, who doesn't want stolen spare monkey change?
T: I want a stolen spare monkey.
M: I just want a normal monkey.
C: I just want a real green dress.
T and M: That's cruel!!
C: With a capital C that rhymes with P that stands for pool!
T and M: Stands for pool!
T: Hey we rhymed. We're poets without knowing its.
M: Well, actually we knew it.
T: You did?
Chava and Miri nod.
T: But I didn't know it.
C and M: We know, Tobie. We know.


Blogger Pragmatician said...

It's obvious you guys talk about very diverse stuff.
I love dragon, if they have the abilty to speak that is.
So that would be a book I'd like.
So didn't get what the lip thing was about...

No monkey for me, and no other pets either.

7:32 AM  
Blogger Miri said...

seriously? we're actually conducting a poll about the monkey at the moment; the theory being everyone secretly really wants a monkey. guess there's an exception to every rule.

the lip thing is an ongoing insult bit; it doesn't really make sense....

and as to the book, I'll let you nkow when it actually gets written. :)

8:14 AM  
Blogger Tobie said...

To my defense, the conversations are both fictionalized and usually very late at night, at which point I tend to get gabby and elliptical. And the lip bit is comedic genius, don't knock it, Mir.

11:53 AM  
Blogger Miri said...

the conversations are only marginally fictionalized, and in 99 out of 100 cases based on stuff that has actually been said. watch your mouth woman.

1:02 PM  
Blogger yitz.. said...

is Tobie a house-elf?
just checking. cuz that would explain a lot.

12:49 AM  
Blogger Miri said...

close; next door neighbor.

2:58 AM  
Blogger Avi said...

Wow! I haven't read anything this hilarious in forever plus 2 weeks. [I don't know if you'll take this as a compliment but it is]: you do Joseph Heller quite a bit better than Joseph Heller. And he's actually Joseph Heller, soooooo...
Please publish a book. Please?

9:23 AM  
Blogger Miri said...

I'm working on it. we'll see.

4:13 PM  

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