Sunday, January 13, 2008

Family Vignettes

Editor's Note: I wrote this a few weeks ago. It's been almost four weeks since the surgery. But the time as-was sounded better, so I figured an editor's note was better than corrupting the original text. (Hee! I get to be the author AND the editor! Long live the internet!)

As some of you may or may not now, I recently underwent surgery to have my gallbladder removed, and I've been recovering this last week and a half or so. My abdominal muscles are still sore with the healingness, and the muscles that were sliced into were the ones near the diaphragm, and are responsible for helping me do things like breathing, coughing, sneezing, bending, and walking/sitting upright. The recovery process has been slow and a bit awkward.

The worst part of it is, now that I can breathe more or less normally, it still hurts to laugh. One doesn't realize how much of a problem this is until one has to deal with it themselves. For example, until one is constantly surrounded by people who have singularly ridiculous conversations. Case in point:

Scene: A dinner table. Present are Father, Mother, Brother, Sister.

Mother: I was just on the phone with Brother2. He's buying hamburger meat for the first time.
Brother: So? Isn't he, like, 23?
Father: Yes.
B: Wait, how is this the first time he's ever bought hamburger meat in his life before?? The first time I bought hamburger meat I was fifteen. We used to grill things in the woods all the time.
M: Yeah, no, he used to do that too, but you know it's different when a bunch of guys are throwing things around in the woods.
B: What?
Sister: Ow! Can we stop, please?
M: This is his first time cooking it in his own kitchen.
B: How can that be? this isn't the first time he's had a kitchen before, is it?
F: Well -
B:I mean, I had one in Israel, and then when I came back and lived with my friends, and then I went to college and I had my own kitchen there, and then I had that other apartment-
F: Yeah, he's had his own kitchen before, but he's got his own grill, and it's different when you're grilling it, you know.
S: Guys? Seriously. Please?
B: I'm just saying, it's not like buying alcohol or something. I mean, you go to the frozen meat section and there it is and you take it out and you buy it, it's not a big deal. You don't even need i.d.
M: Yeah but he's just one person, so he's not going to use all that, and he wanted advice on how to store it. Plus, you know, I mean he doesn't cook that much all on his own, and-
B: What do you mean? You wrap it in tinfoil and you put it in the freezer. I mean, if you really want to be extra careful you can go to the supermarket and see how they wrap their meat and take some notes on that, but I don't know, I mean generally it's not that complicated.
F: It's always a big deal when a man makes hamburgers on his own for the first time. It's a statement of manhood.
M: And, you know, I mean he's not that culinary, and it's nice to hear him planning out a meal like that -
F: Me man - make fire, eat meat.
S: I think I'm splitting something, guys, can we please-
B: What teenage guy hasn't attempted to make hamburgers at what point or another? This seems like a rite of passage he should've been done with in high school.
M: Plus, you know, he's so far away and he likes to call for advice because, you know it's company-
B: Tinfoil! Seriously. If you want to get fancy, you can wrap the individual patties, but come on now, what else is there?
S: Ouch!

It went on like that for a good twenty minutes. I'm still in pain.


Blogger Lubab No More said...

Talk about side-splitting! [rimshot]


7:32 AM  
Blogger Halfnutcase said...

I couldn't even follow...

you were s not m?

that was also confusing. (both miri and me start with m. from now on I'm not going to name my kids something that starts with m...)

7:57 AM  
Anonymous Miri said...

you mean absolutely under no circumstances would you name a child mortimer? even a girl? think of all the wonderful names you'd be missing out on!

(I was s for "sister." I could have been M, but then who would my mother have been?)

12:32 PM  
Blogger Yoni said...

your mother could have been I for Ima (Imi).

yes ma'am. sorry. :)

6:54 PM  
Blogger Nemo said...

In my friends family, everybody has names that start with 'M'... all Hebrew words, not even commonplace names. The Israeli parents who were M & M thought it would be funny to give all their kids the same letters. Israeli humor for you!

6:31 AM  
Blogger Miri said...

My Mom hates "Ima." she always has.

2:24 PM  
Blogger Yoni said...


well I guess for Kibbud av v'aim.

But you might have done something like MB (big M, momy) and ML (little M, ie miri/me (ie you))

or perhaps MM (mommy m) and DM (daughter M)

3:13 PM  
Blogger Miri said...

see, I really thought that just going with S was simpler.

12:35 AM  
Blogger Yoni said...

but I only figured the "S" thing out really late in reading it.

4:45 AM  
Blogger Miri said...

sorry for the confusion...

5:39 AM  
Blogger Yoni said...

tis ok.

I wasn't able to follow anyway.

7:39 AM  

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