conversations with me father

and now for something completely different...okay well, maybe not completely. or, actually, yes, completely. be warned, this might scare the kids. for all those of you vaguely familiar with various incidents of my high school history, who ever wondered why I asked so many questions on the story...this might explain that a bit.
some background on my Dad; currently a lawyer at a fairly successful downtown law firm; but, like so many others of his breed, got himself a masters in English first, and futzed around with the idea of writing the great American novel, and called himself a poet. in truth, he is a poet, and he may yet write the great American novel. meanwhile, he amuses himself coming up with acronyms for diets and phone numbers and twisting anologies around until they cry uncle.

Dad:Life's all in how you look at things. I mean, if you stood on your hands, then everything that was going down is now going up.
Sister:But then all the blood rushes to your head and you black out.
Mom: And after that nothing much matters anyway.
F: Unless you're under water, and then the bubbles go up no matter what you do. so then you can just follow the bubbles to the surface. unless it's dark, in which case you can't see the bubbles.
S: But you can still feel the bubbles. so you can blow some out, feel which way they're going, and then head that way.
F:Yes, but then you have to be careful not to blow all your air out blowing bubbles to see which way to go.
M: Because then you'd black out. and after that, it doesn't really matter anymore.
S: we talk too much.
F:yes well, but you know if you can be a one-eyed man in the land of the blind...well...and then sometimes you find another one-eyed man in the land of the blind...and then you can be...two one-eyed men in the land of the blind. or you can link arms and be a two-eyed two-men man in the land of the blind...as long as you're facing the same way, because if you're facing opposite directions you'll just go around in circles.
S: but if you face the same way, then you might have some depth perception.
M: unless you're underwater, and it's dark.
S: then, uh...bubbles?
F:Yeah..only, if you can be a man with an oxygen tank...you know, in a world of two oxygen tanks...or rather, an oxygen tank in a world of no oxygen tanks..that is, if you can be an oxygen tank...
S: in a world of blind men?
F: yeah, better to be an oxygen tank.

Moral of the story: the heart of a woman is an icy-cold, upside-down, airless, one-eyed tank.

Disclaimer:Some artistic license has been taken in the preceding recreated conversation, however the essence remains true to the life and spirit of everyone who allegedly partook in said events. It's really more or less exactly accurate. kind of.